Ok, so no seriously, it's been a year now. I faltered towards the middle, picked up a bit, then fell off the planet again.
Thanks all for reading, it was fun, I had a great time re-living some of the funniest memories, [and no the parktown prawn was not one of them!] and feelings that fly through my head.
Blog hard, be good, and I'll be reading you ;-)
Ciao
OMG, I know this is sort of plagiarism - sort of - but holy cow these are cracking me up...
MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
goatboy> what?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> er?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> and?
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> ...
MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
goatboy> i dont get it
MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
goatboy> bastard
JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
JonTG> wait, shit
UKDJPlanet> I swear to god
UKDJPlanet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
Jock> o...k
UKDJPlanet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
UKDJPlanet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
UKDJPlanet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
UKDJPlanet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"
One of the things that has never ceased to make me crap myself laughing is Bash.org. Basically you'll find a whole bunch of recorded conversations from chat rooms. They are only recorded because they are unbelievably hysterical... or at least I think so.
Here are some of my favourites :-)
RdAwG20: you don't live in Hope mills do you?
T-Wolf: ya, why man?
RdAwG20: lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
T-Wolf: you mother fucker
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
There are few things in the world that make you laugh more than the word "guava" and all its humorous connotations.
You can imagine the sheer delight and rolling-on-floor laughter that ensues when you see this...
It just makes you happy inside :-)
So FTT and I constantly have this ongoing fued where he professes that rappers are ridiculously talented and stuffs. Just to fuel his rage, I give him shit... so this was a convo from this mornings chat....
FTT [08:17 AM]:
I"m listening to poetry
P Diddy Saurus [08:17 AM]:
cunt poetry?
FTT [08:17 AM]:
yes
look nigga, dont be sad cause you move out the hood, your momma still around and that aint good
P Diddy Saurus [08:17 AM]:
so basically it sounds like a messy bulldog eating porriage
FTT [08:17 AM]:
HAHA
P Diddy Saurus [08:18 AM]:
Now THAT is Grammy award winning stuff right there
those are some mad lyrics
takes more talent to write that than a 6 year old composing a symphony
hahahahah
FTT [08:18 AM]:
I bet you couldnt write rap song
in fact, I challenge you to a rap song write off.
P Diddy Saurus [08:18 AM]:
That's because I'm not retarded
FTT [08:20 AM]:
pick a topic
P Diddy Saurus [08:20 AM]:
Yo nigga, my bitches so hot, yo mammas so not
FTT [08:20 AM]:
punk
P Diddy Saurus [08:20 AM]:
I wish my cock was a twelve inch
cause then I'd fuck your bitch !
next line
FTT [08:21 AM]:
ya feel me dawg
P Diddy Saurus [08:21 AM]:
your turn
FTT [08:21 AM]:
yo yo yo
kk
kk
thinking...
P Diddy Saurus [08:21 AM]:
and there she was just a walkin down the street... thinkin
FTT [08:21 AM]:
so I"m sitting right here sipping on my java
P Diddy Saurus [08:21 AM]:
Doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy did me
FTT [08:21 AM]:
thinking, you aint shit - whateva
P Diddy Saurus [08:22 AM]:
java is pronounced "jar-vha" and doesn't ryhme with whateva
doos
try again
poet
...I like this game
FTT [08:22 AM]:
for inexperienced "rhymers" like you it doesnt rhyme
P Diddy Saurus [08:22 AM]:
I'm clearly the superior rapper
FTT [08:22 AM]:
remember this can rhyme
here have a coin
and now I'm goin
DOOS
P Diddy Saurus [08:23 AM]:
just because rappers can't spell or speak english doesn't make it right ok
FTT [08:23 AM]:
POES the english dont rap
so stop this anal retarded horse shit
just RAP!
let yourself go
P Diddy Saurus [08:24 AM]:
they just fuck munches that can't think of what to ryhme so they change the english language because they can't think past their left toe
FTT [08:24 AM]:
it will be a good feeling
P Diddy Saurus [08:24 AM]:
in the moment right
feel the music
ok ok
FTT [08:24 AM]:
hear is the beat
Philippe Morin [08:24 AM]:
hang on I feel it coming...
FTT [08:24 AM]:
boomb, dish, boom dish
P Diddy Saurus [08:24 AM]:
no no... it was a fart
FTT [08:24 AM]:
I have a shit on board, so I stick my hand down my pant
P Diddy Saurus [08:24 AM]:
just as good though
it ryhmes with art
so I must have done something right
FTT [08:25 AM]:
kk
go and write a proper rap song
P Diddy Saurus [08:25 AM]:
you pull out your hand 'cause you been playin wiff yo ant
FTT [08:25 AM]:
we can blog about it...
I challenge you, POES!
P Diddy Saurus [08:25 AM]:
'cause yo cock aint big
yo cock aint nuffin
yo cock is small
perhaps I should give you a good muffin
FTT [08:26 AM]:
yoyo
P Diddy Saurus [08:26 AM]:
'cause you my bitch!
FTT [08:26 AM]:
that shit is hot dawg
**dish dish boom boom
feel me?
HOLLA
F-Unit
The P + F connection, straight outta Bryanston keeping it hot
During my weekend excursions, good times out, and the rest of what I get up to, I decided to start taking photos of those things that make me piss myself laughing.
This mostly happens when I am with Wiggly :-)
Today I bring you... the nose hair trimmer. I took a photo of the front of the box and the side.
Note how happy the guy is to be tweasing his nostril hairs. Also, note how he does not shed even one tear in the process. This too can be yours for only R150... Good times
No more self tan. I fear that my winky may fall off in a gangreenous mound of rotten groinal tradgey.
Will find something else to ammuse myself with.
Okbi
Dear Diary
Today I looked down at my 'nana... The itching has stopped - thank God.
Okbi
Sunday morning... both in the office... on chat... FTT is nervous about first date / interview with hot blonde. The conversation goes thus...
FTT: I'm getting nervous
Phlippy: good
Phlippy: that means your zub will drop off
FTT what is a zub?
FTT: you must stop changing
FTT: this [insert girlfriend name here] chick or whoever she is influesing you too much
Phlippy: Zub. itt, teazy, biz... all lebanese words I have used countless times before
Phlippy: influensing - is that like giving me flu?
FTT: whatever
FTT: the word countless is like so last year
FTT: doos
Phlippy: like influensa
Phlippy: or did you mean influencing?
Phlippy: can never tell with you
FTT: like schrumptulescent
FTT: fuck you
Phlippy: functransluescent
FTT: ps.
FTT: nothing
Phlippy: whateva
FTT: oh yeah
Phlippy: let's do some push ups
FTT: can you please email me a list of hardcore words to use while I’m @ coffee?
FTT: fuck pushups
Phlippy: obsequious
FTT: gonna play a game of quake3 now, to just chill
Phlippy: fervent
Phlippy: jam
FTT: oh gawd, taht wil come out as perfett
FTT: purvert I mean
Phlippy: pervert you doos
FTT: "So are you wet right now"?FTT HAHAFTT "You seem quite flustered"
FTT: "I understand, I’m FTT Pienaar, I get this alot"
Phlippy: USE THAT!
Phlippy: I'm totally gonna blog this conversation
FTT: oh gawd
Phlippy: Let's just hope she doesn't read
Phlippy: or can't read
FTT: go mad, dont mind, it will get me exposure
Phlippy: maybe she's blind that's why she agreed to a date
FTT: for singlnesisity
Phlippy: or retarded
FTT: I'm feeeling my confidence rising by the minute
Phlippy: do you think she drools a lot
FTT: dude,
Phlippy: that could be hot
FTT: she is probably out with a guy she met on Friday
FTT: gawd, so scared right now
Phlippy: agh relax
FTT: kk, going to wank, there I"m always in control
So...
Well basically there is no easy way to say this. I decided with all the rain, and hugely negative affects of using sunbeds, I would delve deep into the world of metro-ness, and use self tan.
At this juncture I would like to point out that this is entirely my girlfriend's idea and she made me do it... Well not really, but you guys just go ahead and believe that ok ;-)
So anyway, I had this ingenious idea last night... What if I self tanned my winky?!? If I continue to do this on an ongoing basis will it go really really dark and make me hung like a black man by association?
Just a thought. It's day one. It burns a little but I'm sure I'll cope. My palms are also going orange. Mental note to self... wash hands after application...
